The Harry Potter Gang Discover the Joys of Slash
by Queen Tangerine
Summary: A series of (often) random and pointless adventures delving into the realms of fanfiction with rather... disturbing results. Discontinued. Available for adoption!
1. HarryRon

The Harry Potter Gang Discover the Joys of Fanfiction

Harry and Ron discover Harry/Ron Slash

Hey, what's up kiddies? I know, some people like these pairings, but there is proof that Harry and Ron are NOT gay! I thing this has been done before, but I don't care. Oh, and in this, NO ONE IS DEAD! OKAY? It's just much funnier that way. Anyway, I'm not going to waste time talking, I will just explain the ground rules:

Number 1: Any and ALL slash pairings will be made fun of.

Number 2: If you have any ideas for what pairing I should make fun of, LET ME KNOW!

Number 3: Snape and Dumbledore do NOT belong together.

Number 4: Do not whine about pairings that you like. I will write them anyway.

Number 5: SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT PAIRINGS THAT YOU LIKE. I DO NOT FUCKING CARE. IF I WANT TO MAKE FUN OF THEM, I WILL, DAMNIT.

Number 6: If you get disturbed by ANY of these things, that is not my fucking fault. You shouldn't of looked at it in the first place.

Number 7: Harsh things will be written, others will be blamed.

Number 8: Swearing is a must.

Okay, now that the rules have been set. Let's continue! Yay! (Dances.)

* * *

It was an ordinary day in the Order, everyone was basically sleeping or out killing Death Eaters, however, a certain two people were up, looking absolutely terrifed. Hermione and Ron had found something most interesting. Since, Hermoine, decided to get a computer, Ron has been most impressed by it. But when they looked up this website that he found, both of them were thrown into a fit of fear, which ended with Ron huddling in a corner, hyperventaliating. Hermione just looking like she wanted to hex the computer; she was glaring at it so bad, most people would have been surprised that it didn't blow up. Finally, Ron spoke, breaking out of his rocking back and forth mumbling about his sanity: 

"Me... and... Harry..._ kissing_... WHAT THE BLOODY HELL?!" He sounded terrifed, and Hermione wanted to destroy the computer, even more now. She spoke, sounding incredibly irritated, probably because Ron's horrifed screams woke her up from a lovely dream starring her and Ron themselves.

"Ron, _honestly,_ why didn't you just stay at the online chess site I found for you."

"It was boring." Hermione glared at him. He backed up, slightly scared. He was a coward. But Hermoine wasn't the only one who heard Ron's screaming, so did someone else. Someone who wasn't too thrilled.

"Alright, what is that chicken shit getting into now?" Hermione and Ron both shuddered with fright, since revealing that he actually was an evil bastard, Harry, had become a not to friendly person to be around especially in the morning hours. Since, it was five in the morning, Ron knew that he was going to die. He accepted it, and prayed for mercy. Apparently, the God's were listening, because instead of AK'ing his sorry ass, like any normal person, Harry sighed, he was having a nice dream about killing Voldemort, painfully slow. And Ron ruined it. He glared at Ron, who pointed at the screen.

"Harry... look at this... it's the most disgusting thing I have ever seen. Please, don't kill me."

"Well, what could be so-Oh my fucking God!" Harry stared at the screen in amazment and horror. Then, without a second thought he screamed:

"Avada Kedavra!" The green burst of light shot out and blew up the computer. Harry, Ron and Hermione sighed in relief. The horrible sight had been averted. But that didn't mean that they were off the hook. Hermione had a secret about her personality too: She liked annoying people, which explained her know-it-all attitute when she first met, Ron and Harry. Hermione smirked at them.

"So, how good does Harry kiss, Ron?" The next few seconds were filled with slience as Harry, and Ron promptly stared at the black crater that now filled Herimone's desk. Then, realizing at last what she said, got up and punched her in the face, knocking her out. They couldn't kill her, they would have to explain the piles of ash on the floor, and neither one wanted to hear any bitching from anyone. They left Hermoine on the floor, stepping on her as they walked out. Both tramatized by the whole experience.

"I never want to witness... anything like that again."

"You're telling me Harry. Who wrote that shit anyway?"

"I don't know! Probably an idiot! Or someone on PCP!"

"What the bloodly hell is PCP?" Harry slumped his shoulders. Why, he wondered did he hang out with these losers? Must be boredom.

* * *

Meanwhile, somewhere in the world, a preputually stoned Voldemort was smirking happliy. 

"That'll teach those little bastards. Now, where's my stash?"

Voldmort got up from the computer, not realizing that someone was waiting for it. The person grinned.

"Okay, now on to Snape and Dumbledore!"

"Lucius, get your ass away from there!"

"Yes, master." Lucius walked away from it and a sneaky Peter Petigrew(Sp?) rubbed his hands together in an evil fashion.

"Fuck, Snape and Dumbledore, I'm going to write about Lupin and Sirius! That will teach those morons to try to kill me!"

"Wormtail!"

"Yes, master?" He cringed. What did the snake thingy want now? He already gave him his arm for Christ sake! What else could he possibly want?

"Where is my stash?!" He sighed, wondering why he ever joined Voldemort in the first place. Then, smirked at the computer.

"This will be fun."

* * *

_Woot, hows that for an interesting chappie! Muahaha! Anyway, I liked this part. I have to say, it's probably one of the more hilarious things that I will write. Now, press that purple button and tell me what you think. Oh, and what do you think about their characteristics? Am I too mean? Or just funny enough? Tell me now! Yes, Sirius and Lupin will be next. Don't worry, I won't be too mean to them, they are my favorite charries._


	2. SiriusLupin

The Harry Potter Gang Discover Slash

Sirius/Lupin Pairings

&

Voldemort's drug dealer

Yay! Second chapter! NO ONE HAS REVIEWED THIS! I FEEL LIKE CRYING RIGHT NOW! I THINK I AM GOING TO SLIT MY WRISTS NOW! xD Just kidding. I would never go emo for you all. Ever. So, anyway on with the fic!

* * *

Another ordinary day in the order it started to be, everyone else was playing poker, well, the people that actually knew how to play, which would include, Lupin, Snape, and for some reason Ron. How does he even know how to play poker?! All of a sudden, Sirius came running out of a room, screaming like a little girl about how his eyes were burned. Remus, being the concerned friend that he is quickly went over to see what's wrong.

"What, what happened, Sirius?"

At this point Sirius could be seen rocking back and forth on the couch, curled up in a ball, with, for some reason, a teddy bear in his hand. While sucking his thumb, he quickly explained what happened. Remus, who didn't believe him, went back into the room to see what happened. They all hear the sounds of screams, then the words come out:

"Oh my fucking God, who the hell wrote this crap! Avada Kedavra!" A green burst of light shoots out and wakes up Moody, who burst out of his room, he probably just got out of bed, as he was wearing hot pink pajama bottoms, wand at the ready. Passerby stared at him in utter confusion and horror. His pajamas were shorts. Which made people question his sexuality in their minds, though they didn't dare voice it for fear of being turned into a ferret.

"Is Voldemort here? Who do I have to kill?" Moody started to twitch as Remus comes out of the room, a satisfied grin on his face. Moody gets depressed for a minute, and goes back into his room. He must've really wanted to kill something. Sadistic bastard. Then, Harry comes out looking pissed as hell, he was having a peaceful dream, then these bastards ruined it with there idiotic whining. He walked into the the room Remus just exited, then seeing the charred remains of the computer sighed.

"Not again. What is wrong with these people?"

* * *

Meanwhile, in some other place, Voldemort could be seen, darting around while the Stars Wars Theme plays in the background, which makes him look up and wonder whose following him, when he sees some dude playing on a piano, he glares at him. Then, pulls his wand out and shouts:

"Avada Kedavra!"

"Well, that certainly was useful." Voldemort, still being paranoid freaks out and jumps up like a little girl. When, he finds a pale, white man, with hot pink short-shorts on, and a white tank top. The white man asks him:

"You got the money?"

"You got the stuff?"

"Give me the money first."

"Oh no, you don't see the money til I see the stuff." Meanwhile, the wall the white man was leaning on was someone's bedroom wall. The person inside grumbled sightly before shouting:

"HE'S WEARING A WIRE!" Voldemorts eyes widen as he goes for his wand.

"What? You son of a-" A loud scream is heard, as a green burst of light hits the drug dealer. Then, plump. Dead. Then, the person in the building, curls back up into a ball and goes back to sleep. Voldemort, then goes over to the charred remains, and takes the untouched drugs out.

"At least the stash is still here. I guess he wasn't wearing a wire after all. Oh well."

Voldemort returns home to find, Pettigrew on the computer, typing a story. He growls and Pettigrew screams like a little girl and gets off the computer. Voldemort walks over to the computer, plomps down and reads what Pettigrew wrote.

"That is brillant. Wormtail, can you come in here for a moment..."

* * *

Ehehe. You can all kill me now if you want. But it won't change the fact that I hate slash pairings. I'm sorry if you like it, but I don't fucking see it. Don't like it? Oh well, you aren't me.

Don't forget to review.

Flames will be laughed at and ignored.


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